Thursday, July 22, 2010

Tycho's Craigslist Ad of the Week!

This is just a little thing I'm going to try to post every week, to tide you over until the new episode is up.

This is very rapidly starting to take over my life. Kind of worrisome.

Here's the ad:

i want big butt wife - 42 (stone mountain)
Date: 2010-07-21, 5:58PM EDT

>>first i'm a real man looking for a woman with butt to start long term relationship. also must be looking for long term relationship and be real woman.<<

Alright, he's looking for a woman with butt. I assume that means a pork butt, because he's a big fan of rump roast. So, when you eventually go to meet up with him, make sure you've got a pork butt under one arm.

And be real, woman!
At least, I assume that's what he meant, and he just left out the comma.

>>tired of the single life...easy going and have sexy body. i'm 6'0 feet 240 pounds. highly handsome. i'm 42 but look younger.<<

That first sentence, I don't know if he's referring to himself, or to the lady he's looking for. I'll assume himself, and that the rest of it is just elucidation on the theme.

Also, "6'0 feet" is redundant, unless he's saying he's six feet zero feet, which is a guy I'd like to see.

>>i'm ready to settle down one woman that will lead to marry.<<

Marry is the girl he's REALLY looking for, and he's hoping that by settling down a different woman-one that got riled up, possibly by the fact that he's actually looking for Marry?- he'll find her. You know, get Marry jealous so she'll come crawling back. I wonder if Marry is real woman.

>>i'm blackmale.<<

Really? Like, the anthropomorphic personification thereof? I don't know that I'd want to date or marry you, then. I'd be paying money out every month to keep all the bad stuff hidden away.

>>consider as family man. home body but enjoy many legal activities.<<

I don't even understand that first sentence, and the second one is just sort of scary. I've long been a proponent of the idea that if, in the text of your personals ad, whether it's Craigslist or, if you write "I'm not a psycho!" or "I'm not a crazy guy!" or "I don't participate in illegal activities," or any variations thereof ("I enjoy many legal activities."), you should stay away from that person.

>>so if you are ready for man who you can take home to mother/children, hit me with full body pictures and tell me why u want to be marry. pictures upon request. <<

"I want to be Marry because my name is Agnes, and I've always hated that name!"

Also, if the guy is asking for full body pictures, it means he doesn't want to date anyone that doesn't meet with his idea of physical beauty. This is, sadly, the problem with most guys. Guys are physically attracted, first and foremost, and worry about personality and character a very distant second.
"Is she hot? No? Never mind."
Guys are stupid, and I include myself in that group, yes I do. I don't deny that there has to be some sort of physical attraction, for me to be interested in a relationship. I'm that shallow and stupid. I never claimed otherwise. It's probably why I don't have a girlfriend.

Anyway, yeah. Guys are like that, but most of them don't come out and say it, because it makes them look bad. So if this guy actually comes out and says it, along with some of the other stuff I've already pointed out, he's probably someone to be avoided, just on general principles.

So, that's it for this week. If you're looking to be Marry, want to date the anthropomorphic personification of blackmail, or just want a guy who appreciates a nicely cooked pork butt, you can find it on Craigslist.


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