A Greedy Bitches Dinner!

In episode 4, we visit Louisville, KY and Philadelphia, PA. While there, we study the use of random capitalization, we jinx ourselves in the intro, and briefly touch on topiary and Sondheim. Also, Tycho isn't bitter at all. Not even a little bit.

Two Bonus Ads ... From the Ladies

Tycho and I discussed a bit about the gender inequity in the podcast, since we're always picking on the men seeking women ads. It's certainly something we're going to explore in greater depth. In my experience, though, the women seeking men ads tend to break down (usually in a less hilariously bad way than men seeking women) into five categories: "look at my porn" bots, "are there any real men left" embittered damsels, "I want a sugar daddy" gold-diggers, "I have some bizarre and very specific criteria" nitpickers, and a smattering of rare, sincere, thoughtful, well-constructed "here's why I'm worth meeting and what I'm looking for" ads.

I turned to the ladies of Chicago for a pair of sketches: one to illustrate a fantastic ad, the other a terrible one.


If you like Joan from Mad Men... - 34 (Downtown)
Date: 2010-07-21, 8:46PM CDT

...you just might like me. And you won't believe you found me here. And I won't believe you wrote me here. But life is short. And guys and girls don't meet at school dances anymore.

So here we are.

Ideally, I'd meet you sitting in the same aisle on a boring work trip. You'd make me not even want to turn on my ipod. Or we'd cross paths on our way to work and we'd both do the second-glance-look-back thing. Maybe you'd just happen to be checking out the same random band as I am?

Truth is, I'll meet you however I meet you.

I'm a perceptive, smart, thoughtful, attractive voluptuous/full-figured woman. I work hard and care about what I accomplish in my career. I'm independent - yet I know I could use some help in getting me to take advantage of e-fares. Long-weekend escapes are always good. Maybe you'll even let me have the window seat?

You. Chances are you've got a sharp mind. You're genuine, funny and just have a certain way about you. You're motivated and clever. You're better than I am at some things. I'll admire you.

You might be someone who stumbled upon this and wonders if he should even bother responding.
If that's you...see paragraph 1.

But I don't know you yet...it's up to you to tell me.

Pic for pic. Looking for a SWM, late 20's - early 40's.


compare with:


What does tall even mean - 23 (palatine)
Date: 2010-07-22, 8:59AM CDT

I've posted on here before, met a few nice guys....No one I had a "Spark" with.......Now I'm 5'11 and I consider that to be tall for a woman.. I'm looking for a TALL ( 6'3 and up) and please please please be a real 6'3 ( I know what 6'3 looks like:) I know this may sound shallow but I love a tall guy 6'4 -6'5-6'6 LOVE IT:)...I'm 23 brunette, "perfect" teeth ;) Big blue eyes, and some curves( Not a BBW not a stick figure) I'm fun, funny, motivated, happy and a great person( I think;) I'm looking for friends first, then whatever happens happens...I'm all about this being simple, just got out of a relationship and miss the company of a MAN :) I know this may confuse some of you but I like my men late 20's mid 30's...please have a job,car, etc:) I know I may sound harsh but I think I have a lot to offer in a friendship and I expect the same...I will send photos after I've seen yours:) Please be attractive:)


- Zoey

Tycho's Craigslist Ad of the Week!

This is just a little thing I'm going to try to post every week, to tide you over until the new episode is up.

This is very rapidly starting to take over my life. Kind of worrisome.

Here's the ad:

i want big butt wife - 42 (stone mountain)
Date: 2010-07-21, 5:58PM EDT

>>first i'm a real man looking for a woman with butt to start long term relationship. also must be looking for long term relationship and be real woman.<<

Alright, he's looking for a woman with butt. I assume that means a pork butt, because he's a big fan of rump roast. So, when you eventually go to meet up with him, make sure you've got a pork butt under one arm.

And be real, woman!
At least, I assume that's what he meant, and he just left out the comma.

>>tired of the single life...easy going and have sexy body. i'm 6'0 feet 240 pounds. highly handsome. i'm 42 but look younger.<<

That first sentence, I don't know if he's referring to himself, or to the lady he's looking for. I'll assume himself, and that the rest of it is just elucidation on the theme.

Also, "6'0 feet" is redundant, unless he's saying he's six feet zero feet, which is a guy I'd like to see.


>>i'm ready to settle down one woman that will lead to marry.<<

Marry is the girl he's REALLY looking for, and he's hoping that by settling down a different woman-one that got riled up, possibly by the fact that he's actually looking for Marry?- he'll find her. You know, get Marry jealous so she'll come crawling back. I wonder if Marry is real woman.

>>i'm blackmale.<<

Really? Like, the anthropomorphic personification thereof? I don't know that I'd want to date or marry you, then. I'd be paying money out every month to keep all the bad stuff hidden away.

>>consider as family man. home body but enjoy many legal activities.<<

I don't even understand that first sentence, and the second one is just sort of scary. I've long been a proponent of the idea that if, in the text of your personals ad, whether it's Craigslist or Match.com, if you write "I'm not a psycho!" or "I'm not a crazy guy!" or "I don't participate in illegal activities," or any variations thereof ("I enjoy many legal activities."), you should stay away from that person.

>>so if you are ready for man who you can take home to mother/children, hit me with full body pictures and tell me why u want to be marry. pictures upon request. <<

"I want to be Marry because my name is Agnes, and I've always hated that name!"

Also, if the guy is asking for full body pictures, it means he doesn't want to date anyone that doesn't meet with his idea of physical beauty. This is, sadly, the problem with most guys. Guys are physically attracted, first and foremost, and worry about personality and character a very distant second.
"Is she hot? No? Never mind."
Guys are stupid, and I include myself in that group, yes I do. I don't deny that there has to be some sort of physical attraction, for me to be interested in a relationship. I'm that shallow and stupid. I never claimed otherwise. It's probably why I don't have a girlfriend.

Anyway, yeah. Guys are like that, but most of them don't come out and say it, because it makes them look bad. So if this guy actually comes out and says it, along with some of the other stuff I've already pointed out, he's probably someone to be avoided, just on general principles.

So, that's it for this week. If you're looking to be Marry, want to date the anthropomorphic personification of blackmail, or just want a guy who appreciates a nicely cooked pork butt, you can find it on Craigslist.

-Tycho

Virgins and Backfat

In this we visit Rhode Island and Des Moines, IA. Singing, dancing, and dramatic email exchange reenactments ensue. Also, half of a lesson about why getting a proper fit in a bra is so very important.

Free Slightly Used Ex-Hubby

In our sophomore episode we visit Sacramento, CA and Boise, ID. We found inmates, good ol' boys, a substitute for true love, a startling number of phone numbers, and so much more!

The Alot is Better Than You At EVERYTHING

There's a link. Click it. That's the joke we reference in episode 1 about the "Alot."

It's worth reading, and while you're at it, read the rest of Allie's blog. It's definitely worth whatever you lose while doing it. Money, food, your job. Those can be replaced. This blog can't.

So give alot of help. I'm sure she'd appreciate it.

-Tycho

It's On Craigslist- Now with wider availability!

That's right, folks! Our podcast is now available on iTunes! You can subscribe to it through iTunes, instead of using that pesky feed URL, which you can still use, if you REALLY want to.

By the by, if anyone reading this wants to design a new and really pretty logo for us to use, we'd be ever so grateful.

Send in your submissions, and we'll pick a winner. That's right- it's a LOGO CONTEST!

-Tycho

40 Hours a Week Disease Free!

Our long-anticipated premiere episode! We travel to Annapolis, MD and St. Louis, MO, to examine the native courtship rituals: piggyback rides, public service announcements, and so much more!