Monday, December 20, 2010

What's In The Mashed Potatoes

In this special Thanksgiving Day episode, we visit Philadelphia, PA and Oklahoma City, OK. What's that you say, this is the weekend before Christmas? Yeah, well, we keep the spirit of Thanksgiving the whole year through around here. We turn the awkwardness up to 11 right from the start. Along the way, we encounter a brutally honest fellow, learn about the real biggest party night of the year, uncover a special addition to mashed potatoes, and one of our hosts squeals like a giddy schoolgirl just after the halfway mark. If you're making bets on which host, get them in early. Oh, and Zoey is unclear on the mechanics of sex. AND we improvise the closing theme music. kinda.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

20th "Anniversary", or, Fat Fat Fat No Fattyes!

In this special episode, we visit Las Vegas, NV, New York, NY, and Portland, OR. We're joined by our very first guest host: the lovely and talented drmk of You Suck at Craigslist! Rather than the usual rundown of the horror you can expect to find in the podcast, we'd like to use this space to say thanks again for joining us, Llamanun, and y'all come back now, y'hear!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Not exactly Craigslist, but it's a kissin' cousin

Yeah, I said it. What?

This is an email exchange that occurred between me and a young lady on the Personals-Site-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named,-Except-It-Already-Has-Been:

I led off with an email to her:

I love public radio, I keep up with current events, I'm usually not far from a book. On my bedside table right now, you'd find "Cloud Atlas" by David Mitchell. It's terrible bedtime reading, far too cerebral. Either your brain will work to keep up with it and keep you awake, or you'll drone right through it and nothing will stick and/or make sense.

I think education is important, and a drive for self-improvement is vital, but I don't think that a college diploma is necessarily proof of either. I have well-rounded friends who never went to college, and who hasn't had at least one clueless but degree-holding coworker?

I'm chivalrous. I believe in treating a lady like a Lady, and I always strive to be a perfect gentleman to you.

I'm nerdy. I like video games, though playing the instruments in Rock Band makes me question whether I actually have any rhythm to speak of. I have a silly sense of humor, and love dorky teenage movies even if (now in my 30s) I'm outside of their target audience. If you think you're interested in getting to know me better, I'd be thrilled to chat over lunch or dinner sometime.

And she wrote back:

Where have been? I really would like to meet you. I'm sure that we could talk for hours, sorry if I'm so straight forward but you seems to be too smart for "hi how doing thing". I'll see you soon?

Now, just based on that response, my initial reaction was "Pr0n bot." But the ad itself included more than one picture, and some decent information about the girl, so I thought, alright, I'll stay cautiously optimistic and give it a chance, right?
Here's what I wrote back to her:

I like to think I'm a pretty smart guy, yeah. I know big words and can use them correctly. I can even spell properly.

Anyway, do you mind if I ask a little bit about you? What sort of things do you like to do in your spare time? Do you like to read? What sort of books do you like? What's your favorite movie? Tell me about something sill you did in your childhood. What's your favorite pair of socks? Do you appreciate random questions?

I hope you've had a good weekend, and I would like very much to learn a little more about you. I like what I've read and seen so far, and I hope to hear back from you soon.

A little rushed and stilted, yeah, but I figured that if it IS a pr0n bot, I won't have wasted a bunch of effort on it, and if it's a real person, and I can use the excuse that I was tired and had a headache, both of which were, and are still, true.

And here's her response to THAT:

I can't spell properly beacause I have dyslexia, but I'm not embarressed of it, despite my problem I was still able to speak 3 language fluent, good for you that you can speel properly, too bad that you don't have any people skill. The reason why I'm single is that I won't take rude man like you. The reason why you're single is that besides beeing smart and good looking, you don't have people skills.
I don't talk about myself your things that I like to people that I don't know, if I did you would see it on my profile, I don't have facebook, or myspace, I like to decide to whom I will talk about myself to.

Now, normally, I would have just closed the window, and deleted the email, and said "Oh well, poor me, another girl rejecting me out of hand without getting to know me, poooooorrrrr Eeyore."
But then I realized, no, I'm not going to let that go.

Well, I'm sorry you thought I was being rude. I wasn't trying to be, and I apologize that it came across that way. My statement that I was able to use big words and even spell them correctly was not intended to be an insult to you, nor to poke fun at nor tease you. How could it be? I had no idea you were dyslexic, and if I had, please understand that I would never be so rude as to make fun of you for it. I'm an intelligent guy, and what goes along with that, is an understanding and a compassion for people with conditions such as yours.

Along with that, though, is that asking neutral personal questions ("What's your favorite book?" "What do you like to do for fun?") is an integral part of getting to know someone and deciding whether you want to form a deeper, more meaningful relationship with them or not. I asked some basic, neutral questions that, if you had answered them, could have led into conversations about books (which, believe me, I can talk about for hours, because I LOVE books and reading in general), or movies, or clothing, or activities.

I can understand your reaction if I had, out of the blue, asked you if you liked having sex on your back or on your knees; if I had asked what size your breasts were; if I had asked you how far you go on a first date, and if you would consider phone sex, and by the way what's your number, but I didn't ask you any of that.

I responded to your ad because you seemed like an intelligent young lady as well, and also because you are quite attractive, and caught my eye, and if nothing else, I'd at least have met someone pretty cool that I can talk to about intellectual stuff.
Like books.
Like movies.
Like activities we find interesting and exciting.

Instead, though, you called me rude, and said I had no people skills, despite the fact that we've exchanged less than 500 words in conversation, which is, essentially, talking to someone for a minute and a half. This message that I've written has, by this point, reached 80% of that, thereby almost doubling the amount of conversation we've had.

So, in summary, I'm sorry that you felt I was making fun of you for having dyslexia. I wasn't. I'm sorry you think I"m rude and not good with people (despite having a fairly successful job as a waiter, which requires you to be ultra-polite, and have GREAT people skills), because I asked some basic getting-to-know-you questions.

I certainly hope you find what you're looking for, and I wish you all the best in life, because I think you deserve it. Anyone who can rise up and kick dyslexia in the butt enough to learn three languages can accomplish anything. I don't have a hint of dyslexia, and I'll never know anything more than English, so my hat to you, Lady.

I hope you had a good weekend, and have a great week.


Monday, December 6, 2010

Rake Hell

In this episode, we visit Phoenix, AZ and Chattanooga, TN, and discover Tycho has a way with words, and Zoey tells stories. We meet a basssstard, a philanthropist, briefly discuss tragic romances, and then doubt a poster's word about himself. We find possibly the worst Thanksgiving plans EVAR; then spend WAY too much time on CL poetry; briefly touch upon photographic techniques; find something that, possibly, you should be terrified of, kept in some guy's bathroom; and wrap everything up with an epic brawl regarding the summary.

Tastes Like Tobasco

In this episode we visit Detroit, MI and Indianapolis, IN, and find would-be masters, former models, fans of elderly strippers, and meet up with an old friend. We also encounter explorers through unchartered waters and trying-too-hard land.